ONETWOTHREE!

» Saturday, February 19, 2011 / -10:30 AM

Diagnosed!

So I was going into the clinic to get my injections with mom.

After going through all that drama, I wasn't feeling like myself. I couldn't sleep the night before and I skipped work because I fear that people would ask me why I'm depressed. I thought these people are positively reinforcing the act of self-pitying by pitying me. I do not want to be mopey so I stayed home. When I got to the clinic, mom told the doctor that I've been going through a lot recently and asked him if I should be off of my injections. After hearing his story on how he eloped to UK for 6 months, how he helped a girl with her thesis and she cheated on him, after hearing him calling me stupid and how I deserves to be slapped, he told mom I have low cortisol levels.

What is cortisol?

I didn't know. Google is my answer for almost everything. Wonders of the Internet!

Early symptoms are generic and can be easily confused with other disorders, specifically, fatigue, headache, weakness, dizziness and orthostatic hypotension (low blood pressure upon standing). Nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea are often present as well as an inability to tolerate cold temperatures. Left untreated, the symptoms progress into muscle weakness, weight loss, dehydration, hypotension, irritability and depression as well as darkening of the skin. Ultimately, pain in the abdomen, back or legs, collapse of the peripheral blood vessels and extreme weakness would all indicate adrenal crisis.

This condition can develop into Addison’s disease which is a serious medical condition which can be life threatening. Low cortisol symptoms are primarily seen in people who are between 30 and 50 years old. Low cortisol symptoms must be treated with prescription medications for the remainder of one’s life. It is important that people who have hypocortisolism never miss a dose of their medication because they can go into adrenal failure and die. If you are experiencing low cortisol symptoms you should see your doctor for a check up and evaluation.

And I have the symptoms in bold.

It's probably nothing. I mean, the doctor said I should just take more meat and what not, so it can't be serious right? And I do not think I should get prescription medication because knowing me, I would miss a dose of my medication. BUT NOW, I'm not to be blamed for my depression. It is not self induced! I guess I just do not have the right mechanism to cope with stress/my parts are broken.

Yeah, people are calling me stupid.

Living in a fantasy, selfish, you name it. Reality is too brutal. I just wish I can live in my dreams forever. You say, go make your dreams come true, go do whatever you like. I want to make my dreams come true, I want to do what I like to, but you say what I would like to do is stupid. I'm stupid. Everything I do is stupid. I guess, I'm starting to believe them myself. I am stupid..