» Thursday, December 30, 2010 / -8:59 AM

First off, I never liked anyone lying to me.

I mean, who does? I've been lied to my whole life. If you're going to lie about "not farting" or someone else did it, it's not bad at all because it is funny. Doesn't it just irks you when people lie about serious matters that either involves someone's reputation or just to get sympathy from other people? Maybe it is just me, but I hate it when people put my reputation at stake JUST to get other people's sympathy and when the people I care about the most lies to me. Then again, I hate it when people lie to me in general (except when it is just a joke). Lies. Defense mechanism to cover up your flaws and mistakes, perhaps? Lies. The news about what Tess did had spread to various people and I found out on the day it was being passed on from one person to another. I had to go college immediately upon knowing the news and work right after class. The only person I told was Patrick and he said he's going to tease her about it. I made sure he mentioned that he heard it from me because she was involved with the person I care about with although we were not together back then. To cover her mother flamingo super slutty move, she lied. What about? She said the "rumor" is not true. She added that when she TOLD me, I promised her NOT to tell anyone. What's wrong then? Number one, I DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT hear this from her. Second, why would I even be so calm to PROMISE her NOT to tell anyone at all? She's doing things to the PERSON I TRULY CARE about. Third, I had no access to the internet, whatsoever, so how could I have spread the news? Bitch. If I were the one that did it, I would GLADLY take the blame.

Today was a crazy day.

I had this discount coupon from Fullhouse that is about to expire tomorrow. So I invited two people, since I'm sure there would be someone backing out from the invitation. Ivan said he's busy and the other person agreed to go out with me. I asked him to bring along his friends as well. He seemed eager to. I warned him that the price may be a little pricey, asking him if he would be okay with it. He did not say anything but asked me when we are meeting up. Then he proceed to say that he forgot he had to attend a party. So I went with Ivan instead since he had no plans for tonight. I found out that the discount coupon was for clothes instead of meals and beverages. I didn't know Fullhouse has clothes.. Ivan threw a fit about wasting his time, teehee. We had Popeye's instead and oh, how I love Ivan. He's so funny. He was stereotyping the American African in the menu-thingy. "He looks so happy in this fried chicken outlet!" Ivan went shopping for his earrings and as we walked around, I forgot that I need to get clear nail varnish to repair my dress. As we walked towards the store, guess who I saw? :3 Party guy!

Reality check; I need one badly.

I was wrong when I said maybe in three months time, Paranoid Von would perish. I think Paranoid Von would come and go as she wishes to. I think maybe, just maybe, Paranoid Von is here because I'm afraid that I would lose you again. The fear of losing you has driven me to extremes, as you have seen. By letting Paranoid Von in, my expectations would be minimal and the more I am suspicious of you, probably, the chances of being hurt won't be that much since I am expecting it to happen..? Chances are, I would still be hurt.

Why would it hurt?

We have been together for a while now. Each morning I wake up thinking of you. Every night you would be the last thing on my mind. I still get excited when I talk to you and I get butterflies every time I see your pictures. I forgot what I was doing when I look at your pictures. Every thing feels like the first time. I am easily soothed by your presence. A little part of me melts within this cavity of mine. Everything you do is just so damn adorable. Everything feels.. magical. I guess what we have now, is different from what I had before. I've never always been in love with you. No, not at all. It was more like falling in love over and over again each day, each time harder and deeper. And my eyes intend to focus on you and you only. With you, anything is possible. I do mean anything. I can bare myself to you, pouring out the essence of why I am this way. It's like you are the only one with the key to unlock the door. Corny, I know, but this is what I feel. Why are people so particular about the distance? You're closer to me than anyone else are. You are like a button/phone call away! Which is amazingly near. Please don't be discouraged when we have obstacles to overcome. Please finish this race with me. One more thing.. Will we have another violin concert soon, please?

After 2 years, 2 months and 8 days..

Here we are, still together. You're on ventrilo with me now. And you farted. Eww! But you're right, a part of you rubbed off on me, in sooooo many ways unimaginable, and I really do wish you are here to stay. I would love to be able to spend time with you. That our relationship is one that is filled with honesty, loyalty, trust and other things. ~ I am working on trust though, so I am sorry if I act up sometimes, not letting you into my heart and thoughts. The truth is, I'm just keeping my distance because I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I get close to you and if something bad were to happen (I hope not), I would be hurt again. But being afraid does not mean I do not want to get close to you. How I long to get close to you again. Then again, nothing much has changed between us, now, did it?

For what it's worth, it has been a while.

And everyone knows this for a fact. The fact that.. I love you more!