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Hello, i'm von!.
i love making/eating cupcakes and i'm totally in love with photography. i also love being hyper all the time, it makes me feel super. i maybe a total klutz at times but i blame it all on my shoes. i hope i made you smile!


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» Thursday, September 19, 2013 / -5:48 AM
Only the strong shall survive.. maybe?

Recently, I was involved in an incident which makes me wonder the true meaning of strength.
I dislocated my knee cap again while playing badminton. Despite being in an enormous amount of pain, I bit my lower lip hard to not scream or cry, especially with people crowding around. My ears were ringing and my knee was out at a weird angle but all I could think of was what I am going to do next. If I can crawl to the bench to get my phone but I was immobilized. There were a lot of panicky "Oh my goodness, are you in pain?!" "Are you okay?!" from the crowd but they sounded distant and looked blurry. Josh came to aid, along with Dinesh. They were saying something about "needing to push her knee back into place". Dinesh apologized for the oncoming pain from straightening out my leg. I guess some part of me just trusted him because I managed to stop myself from yelling at him to not touch it. He kept apologizing as he pulled my leg, holding it between his knees and pushed my kneecap back into its place. With it being in place, I was able to concentrate a little more as the pain is reduced. Someone asked if it hurts. I remember looking up at that person and said with a shaky voice "Hahahah.. It hurts like a fucking bitch." with a forced smile. Josh smiled and said they have to get me off of the court. Both him and Chris helped me up and we got to the bench. Josh asked me if I needed anything. Some deodorant would be good. I must smell bad from all that sweat and they have to smell my odour. Yuck. Probably some intensive work out so if this happens again, I wouldn't be as heavy as an elephant or as jell-o-ish. There was some intensive unhealthy self-bashing happening in my head. After calling mom for help, Josh went running out and came back with a HUGE ice pack. Chris told me to keep it on, even if it's numb, it would be even better because it will numb the pain as well. Then people sat beside me and said they admire the fact that I didn't even make a sound when they would have screamed their lungs out if they were me. They would not let Dinesh touch their legs. That I've got balls. Then it hit me.

Is being able to keep quiet while in pain considered a strength?
Sometimes, it can be a blessing as people won't judge you for being "weak" just because you give into the pain. Admit it, how many times have you seen someone scream from falling down the steps and you're all like "Just walk it off! Not like it hurts that much!". Or better yet, I bet you've probably watched the video of Stephen crying over his cancelled World of Warcraft account, which he rather stupidly retaliated by stripping his clothes off while he thrashes around and shoves a TV remote up his butt. Okay, fine, he was over reacting but still, you judged him for what he did. If Stephen just kept quiet about his account being cancelled, we wouldn't know who he is today, would we?

Little do people know, keeping it all to yourself can get rather lonely.
It would be nice to be able to fall back and trust that someone will be there to catch you, sometimes. Someone where you can cry to your heart's content and still know that he/she's not judging your entire existence, someone that will always be there even if he or she doesn't know what to say because there's no need for spoken words. Being "strong" has its limitations as well.
Just food for thought, I guess. :) 




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